This morning was unlike any other morning I think I have ever had. Nine women sat in a circle in my living room and listened to each other share what is weighing on their hearts and one by one, we prayed for one another. It lasted for three hours.
It’s amazing to me, when people are honest and open, the discovery of weight that so many carry alone, quietly. But when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, what you find is that you are not alone at all. You are actually in the company of brothers and sisters who are fighting the same battle, bearing the same weight, and sawing their way to freedom from the same chains. I’ll give you just one example.
Emily Rogers is a beautiful woman. Tall, dark hair and eyes, and the most contagious and fantastic smile you’ve ever seen. She has a fervency for life that is captivating and totally inspiring. When you’ve been around Emily, you walk away different.
Emily is also wonderfully transparent and she verbalized today something that I think I have unknowinly fought for some time.
She said that despite the fact that she has “trusted” the Lord, she had become apathetic towards whether or not He will answer her prayers or satisfy the desires of her heart. *the desire of her heart is to be married; to have a man in her life that pursues, cherishes, and leads her* “I trust Him with who I already am, what I already have, but not neccesaarily with I want; I don’t anticpate that He will fulfill my desires that because He hasn’t yet . Being apathetic is easier than being disappointed. I don’t wait in hope. Instead, I assume nothing and then when it inevitably doesn’t happen, I’m not upset.”
“Oh snap,” I thought to myself. I do that too.
She went on: “But I think I’m realizing that my mind set couldn’t be further from faith lived out; what I say and how I feel do not align. I don’t get excited when a boy calls because I automatically assume the end, so I blow it off before it has even begun. But I don’t think… no, I know, that that is not what He has called us to. He has called us to an excited anticipation, a hopeful waiting, an expectant faith.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears, and mine soon followed suit.
How did we get here? When did we stray from all that we know is right and true? And why have we become contented to stay in this seemingly safe place?
I know that Emily’s desire (and my desire for that matter) is there because God purposely put it there. He placed it there specifically because in His timing, He will fulfill it. He will bring to her a man that loves the Lord above all else, that seeks her good, and will commit to love and lead her until the Lord calls them home. And when this comes to fruition, God will get all the glory, honor and praise because it will be made clear that He had them, individually, in the palm of His hand as He orchestrated, ordained, and appointed each step they took until they were brought together.
Because that is how big our God is. That is how beautifully mysterious He is. Because that is how good He is.
Philippians 1:6 is one of my favorite verses and it says: “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
I love this verse because I think that, when we draw close the Lord , when we are wholly surrendered and ask that He would change and make out hearts what He wants them to be, our desires become reflections of His desires.
Soooo, I think that me and Emily’s desire for marriage is a direct reflexion of God’s desire for our future–that we would not be alone but that we would the help-mate to a man that He is currently preparing for us.
And so if Philippians 1:6 is truth that we can claim, and that the work/desire that the Lord instilled us is in process and will someday become reality, than we have every reason to hope. We have every reason to wait in anxious anticipation and expectant faith.