It seems as though the last post caused a bit of hysterics among my family members…. which comprise the majority of my reader base. I have received emails and phone calls with teary-eyed relatives on the other line asking if I’m OK. So, allow me to set the record straight and shed some light on recent subject matter and hopefully help to clarify what this blog is all about and why I write what and how I do.
First thing first: I’m fine. Actually, I can honestly say that I have never been happier, more fulfilled or satisfied in my life. I have never been deeper in my walk with the Lord, felt Him closer, heard Him more clearly, or seen Him more vividly than I have in the last year of my life. It has been a year of intense and drastic transition: graduating college, moving to a new state, beginning a new career, & establishing myself in a community all over again. And despite the complete and utter unpredictability of every new day, I have come to know the joy and freedom of relishing in the unknown and joyously anticipating the next move and work of God in my life.
I dare not say I’m content because I don’t know that is an ultimate destination that, as believers, we should seek out or become comfortable with. We were not called to contentment. We were called to become “holy as He is holy.” In striving to be holy there is no room or time for contenment in whatever season we may find ourselves. There is always something to work on or surrender to the process of refinement and sanctification. This is just one of countless & beautiful mysteries of the human “being” and the spiritual journey that is the Christian life. It is a life long process and thus, a slow one.
One thing I have discovered about myself in the last year is my passion for writing, or communicating on any level for that matter. I love people. I love listening. I love living life with friends in close and transparent fellowship and community. I am convinced I would not make it on my own and I strongly believe we were not designed to try. We may not have been created for fellowship with God (I don’t think He was lonely and in need of us to keep Him company), but I do believe that we were created for fellowship with one another. Was Adam not given a suitable helper “when none was found.” We are intrinsically designed to be drawn to those like us because of the way that we relate, encourage, and help one another. Thus, one of the foundational reasons for this blog.
In writing, several things occur:
(1) I get to decompress and unravel the mess of thoughts that crowd my mind and take up time and energy. I explained it to my mother this way: it’s like spring cleaning. You lay everything out, look at it from an outside and objective perspective, realize what you need and what you don’t (i.e. truth vs. lies) and you toss what you no longer need or use. So, in writing what I have a hard time thinking about, I can more clearly see what my hold-ups are, where my mind has wandered, and what exactly I need to cut ties to.
(2) I am forced to face those things confront those things that frustrate & confuse me. And in so doing, I am left with only the Lord for comfort, guidance, and clarity. It’s amazing the ways in which the Lord has met me through this keyboard or the ways in which the words that He has given me to write actually speak to me, instead of flow through me. I write, more often than not, to meet with Him in the most real and vulnerable way I know how, writing. I can not lie here. I can fake prayer with the best having spent nearly a decade in private christian schools. I am well versed in christian vernacular. But when I write here, to an unidentified public and unto the Lord, my walls crumble and I am laidbare. It takes to much to keep up the facade; to pretend as though this “holy” calling is easy or smooth sailing. Read any book in the Bible and you will see it is not. So why do we, present day Christians, feel the need to prove it different. No one said it would be. Why fight it?
(3) In being brutally transparent and honest; in allowing myself to be read like a book (pun intended) I am hoping and praying that a phone call is made or a comment is left that says “Hey… me too. I’ve been there, been through that. I know how you feel and I can tell you from experience that He is good and He is faithful and He will deliver you in His divine and sovereign timing. Stay strong. Hold tight.” I write these things and leave my heart here for the reading because I know that I am not alone and I will be the first to admit to this or that for the sake of camaraderie & companionship throughout the journey. Jesus did not walk alone. He had 12 men and when He ascended into heaven, He sent them out, two by two. This is not a one man show. This is a team effort. We are a family. One body. One Church.
(4) Everything I think, feel, see, hear, or in any way experience is automatically translated into one, if not many, metaphors or allusions. I draw nearly everything back to Christ. How does it apply? What can this mean? Why this? Why now? How do I/can I relate this to my walk with the Lord? What does this look like lived out? Where can I find an example of this in scripture? I explained this to my mother who responded with “Do you think that’s healthy?” I do. I realize it may not be the norm, but it is how I am hard-wired. I think deep, not because I am intelligent, but because I crave truth in it’s most raw form. And in the same way I think long and hard about something, so I feel deeply about those things for which I think. My love languages are quality time and physical touch; two very real illustrations of the ways I function internally.
Does it tend to be exhausting? Of course, hence the reason I write about once a month. The last post was a product of my environment ( I was the bridesmaid in a wedding the weekend before ) as well as my age and season of life. At twenty-three, the vast majority get married and so the most popular subject matter among most of my social circles is just that. I wrote on what is and has been surrounding me as of late. A normal trend within the blogosphere.
So, if you read the previous post and thought about sending me a prescription for Prozac, thank you, but I am quite well. And Momma Dunn, I love you. You can rest easy now, you’re little girl is just growing up.