World’s Only Living Heart Donor

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My mom has joked for years that she thinks I may be the “world’s only living heart donor.”  And tonight, I think I decided she was right.

I always wanted blue eyes... but my brother got 'em.

I always wanted blue eyes... but my brother got 'em.

I went with two girlfriends (shout out here to Jourdan & Brianne) tonight to see “The Time Traveler’s Wife,” a movie that from the previews, oozed all things sappy, romantic, and therefore destroyed the manhood for any boyfriend that doesn’t look like Eric Bana and who will undoubtedly wake up single tomorrow for reasons they didn’t know existed. 

As I had hoped, it lived up to my expectations & hopes and yet… not. one. tear.

I heard sniffling from across the theater stadium. You could hear breaths being taken in and let out as if they were hyperventilating.  Women cuddling with their dates and their dates doing their best not to be seen for fear that their “man-card” ( I know it exists ) would not be revoked because of their attendance.  And for those who didn’t have dates, they were stiff ling their emotions with a coke and a large bag of M&M’s. 

Then there was me. Totally dry eyed. Don’t get me wrong, it was moving. I have emotions people. I’m full them. All of them. A lot of them all at one time too. I think there’s a name for that.  And medication too. But that’s not the point.

For whatever reason, I can’t cry. I very rarely cry. At anything. About anything.  And the thing is, I wish that I did.  I used to cry more frequently than I have in the past several years. I remember that I always felt better afterwards too. There is something about it that is refreshing and almost rejuvenating.  Penning up feelings, good, bad, or in between, isn’t healthy. We are expressive beings, in the same way that our Maker is expressive.

My roommate, Brianne, cries a lot. Not because she’s sad either. She cries when she’s happy, she’s cries when she prays, she cries when she worships, and she cries whenever she talks about the Lord. It is absolutely beautiful. And it is just one of countless things that I admire about her. 

We talked awhile back about how differently we express ourselves; her ability to turn liquid and my ability to stay completely the same. I told her that I actually wanted to cry because it makes me uncomfortable feeling like I can’t.  So, in her sensativity, she committed to praying for me. She told me that she would pray that if there were any walls up around my heart, that they would come down and that if there were any fear that held my tears at bay, that it would be banished.

Not too long after we had this conversation, we were talking again. We do that alot. We were talking about dating, marriage, and all that goes in between, when all of the sudden I felt my chin quiver. My vision turned blurry. My face felt tingly, my throat closed up and I couldn’t continue talking. Then, one glistening tear rolled slowly down my cheek. 

That was about two months ago. So it happens, albeit infrequent.

Let’s test something out, shall we?  Below is the trailer to the movie we saw. Watch it and let me know if you teared up at all.

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About mndunn26

I recently realized that my life is somewhat of a beautiful mess. A "pollack-type-picture" if you will, of colors, experiences, and people that, despite the seeming disarray, is captivating & confusing; patterened & yet unpredictable. But most of all, it is mysteriously designed, purposed, and appointed. For what? I don't know yet... but I'm learning as I go.

3 responses »

  1. Nope, no tears. Preview to The Blind Side w/ Sandra Bullock… boo hoo’ed. Check it out… then let US know if you had a tear! 🙂 (I cry at almost everything and was actually surprised I didn’t cry at the above clip, but it just didn’t move me at all…)

  2. My roomie! You are beautiful – I love reading your blog. Very deep and yet an amazing sense of humor…

    Thanks for putting up with all my tears, haha! Let’s remember, you are what I like to refer to as…my sanity!

    Mission: Find Mere a movie that makes her cry. I’m on it 😉

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