Lingerie parties. They are only fun once you actually get to the party. What no one thinks to tell you is how potentially akward a situtation you could find yourself in when you are buying said panties. Take my life as an example:
Tonight I went to Target (on my way to the lingerie party) to pick up a few cute things for my soon-to-be-wed friend. Because I don’t have a lot of money and because I personally tend the think lingerie is RIDICULOUS… I look for two things: practicality and comfort. I don’t know how often or how recently you have gone looking for lingerie, but for the most part, it typically doesn’t fit that criteria.
So there I am, cute panties and a pearl necklance in hand, waiting to cash out and get going. As is the never ending saga of situational irony in my life, Target seemed to be populated solely by men tonight. Are you connecting the dots?
As I am standing in a line (behind a woman who decided to buy all of aisle 32) a gentleman and his wife pulled up behind me, with their baby in tow. This man, obviously married and obviously a father, stood unbelievable close to me. And he wasn’t behind me either; he was beside me.
Now I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I do have good paripheral vision and this guy kept staring at me, then the panties. Me again, then the panties. I just stood there… looking at nothing, praying that if I just stood still long enough, I’d become invisible.
Thankfully, another lane opened up and his wife, disgruntled, spoke sharply to him in another language and he followed her to the other end of the store.
It gets better.
As I put my two items on the conveyer belt, “Jeff” looked at them, then up at me.
“Hi, welcome to Target, did you find everything you need.”
*blanks stare* “Sure,” I replied. Because I frequently buy myself crazy underware and pearl necklaces.
When he looked down again, it was as if he saw the “stuff” for the first time and all the sudden lost competency. I have never seen anyone so unable to take an article of clothing off of a hanger. After 30 seconds, that felt like an eternity, he shoved everything in a small plastic bag and shouted out my total.
The poor guy wouldn’t look at me. He fidgeted as he stood in place and for a brief moment, looked as if he perspiring.
I lost all feeling of discomfort. I am beginning to get used to scenes like this and so I am finding that laughing at them and using them for blog material is much more enjoyable.
Poo Jeff… he never saw those panties coming.