Peter’s response to this piercing question is considerably different from the bold defiance he exhibited only a few days before when he declared, “Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!” ( Matthew 26:35 ; also see Matthew 26:33-34 ). Our natural individuality, or our natural self, boldly speaks out and declares its feelings. But the true love within our inner spiritual self can be discovered only by experiencing the hurt of this question of Jesus Christ. Peter loved Jesus in the way any natural man loves a good person. Yet that is nothing but emotional love. It may reach deeply into our natural self, but it never penetrates to the spirit of a person. True love never simply declares itself. Jesus said, “Whoever confesses Me before men [that is, confesses his love by everything he does, not merely by his words], him the Son of Man also will confess before the angels of God” ( Luke 12:8 ).
Unless we are experiencing the hurt of facing every deception about ourselves, we have hindered the work of the Word of God in our lives. The Word of God inflicts hurt on us more than sin ever could, because sin dulls our senses. But this question of the Lord intensifies our sensitivities to the point that this hurt produced by Jesus is the most exquisite pain conceivable. It hurts not only on the natural level, but also on the deeper spiritual level. “For the Word of God is living and powerful . . . , piercing even to the division of soul and spirit . . .”— to the point that no deception can remain ( Hebrews 4:12). When the Lord asks us this question, it is impossible to think and respond properly, because when the Lord speaks directly to us, the pain is too intense. It causes such a tremendous hurt that any part of our life which may be out of line with His will can feel the pain. There is never any mistaking the pain of the Lord’s Word by His children, but the moment that pain is felt is the very moment at which God reveals His truth to us.
I don’t know what it is about…. now? The last 4 weeks? Me? I’m not sure where I was, what I did, or didn’t do that suddenly caused God to come down and royally wreck my heart. Now, when I say wreck, I mean that it in a good way. Granted it doesn’t feel good. It bites, to be honest. But, my heart, my affections, my attention, my time, my efforts have all been redirected. I have been rendered pretty useless for any cause other than that of Christ and His grace.
And I feel like I am going crazy. Just saying. This is normally the part where I expand on what that means, what it looks like, why I think it’s happening and all other attempts of terribly finite reasoning with my limited and minute comprehensive logic. But I did finally discover, at least a first step, as to what I think is “up.” And I didn’t think of it.
Go figure. This problem, this stirring and quickening that just won’t stop–this flipping up-side down and turning inside-out of all that I am or thought I was is not the first time a human has faced such an experience. Matter of fact, this symptom dates back to Christ. Sooo…. really. I’m behind the curve. Just a wee bit.
At this point I would like to hand it off to Mr. Oswald Chambers. Take it away Ozzy.
Do you love Me? —John 21:17