Advocating for Marriage

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I don’t know that I have ever “dedicated” a blog to a certain group of people, but there’s a first time for everything.  This blog is dedicated to all of you are married. If you are single, I’d love to know your thoughts and opinions of what is about to follow.

I have an incredible circle of girlfriends whom I “do life” with here in Colorado. We’re college grads, working professionals, self-declared hysterical, lovers of Jesus… and super single.  We range from mid to late twenties and have all been in our fair share of weddings as bridesmaids.  Here’s the catch– we’re all a little scared to get married.

Why? Well it’s surprisingly simple: married folk that we know, both young and old, often leave out the “pros” of this God-ordained institution, and instead dwell on the “cons.” 

“It’s a four letter word– w-o-r-k.”  “It’s not easy and it’s not always fun but your committed so you have to persevere through it.”  “There are so many things you can do when you are single that you can not when you are married. Go out while you still can! Live it up! Travel! Don’t rush it… trust me, forever is a long time.”

All reasons that would make a single man or woman think twice about entering into such a dreary and burdensome relationship, if you ask me. To be honest, these testimonies are all turn-offs to what, for so many us, we were made for.  My friends and I talk frequently about how  painfully aware we are (more so the older we get) of our intrinsic desire to be wives; to be help-mates to husbands that encourage, protect and lead us during our time on this side of heaven.

Is it not an incredibly romantic idea? Is it not lovely? Good? Pure? Holy? Honorable? YES.

What’s more, if I may so bold, it is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His own bride, the Church. Us. To be married, if Christ be paramount in the life of the man and woman, is to know, understand, and see God in a new, clearer light of love, sacrifice, beauty, and intimacy.

Granted, I know (not from personal experience) that marriage will not look like, feel like, or sound like that on a daily basis. And that’s fine. That’s life. It leaves room for grace, forgiveness, patience, and a slew of other fruits of the Holy Spirit that resonate with us to draw us closer to the Father, and to your spouse. Right?

I mean, am I taking crazy pills?  Is there something that I am missing? I understand that you are pairing two fallen, sinful, deprave human beings together and asking them to be productive and fruitful, and that in and of itself presents a number of hiccups or speed bumps. But does it make impossible? Does it make it miserable? Does it make it not worth it?

I pray that, if you are married, you don’t hesitate to answer those questions. I hope that the answer is a quick “no.”

Here’s the thing– for us singles, we need to hear, see, and be encouraged to know that it is possible. It is worth it.  It is beautiful and lovely and blessed. Married men and women need to advocate for their marriages as well as the marriages of future generations.  Despite what you may think, we listen closely and carefully.  We are more attentive that we look, but we are paying attention to what you say about your marriage and how you say it.  And from you, we render our opinions on whether or not we can do it too. 

So if you are married– be grateful that you are and let us share in that joy with you.

If you are a single woman– you are not alone.

If you are single man– my number is … haha, kidding.

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About mndunn26

I recently realized that my life is somewhat of a beautiful mess. A "pollack-type-picture" if you will, of colors, experiences, and people that, despite the seeming disarray, is captivating & confusing; patterened & yet unpredictable. But most of all, it is mysteriously designed, purposed, and appointed. For what? I don't know yet... but I'm learning as I go.

5 responses »

  1. Excellent reminder. I was 30 when I met my husband, and 31 when we married. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s challenging. But it is AMAZING. Marriage is better than I anticipated. Harder, yes, but more amazing as well.

    I write a weekly marriage meme on my blog called Wedded Wednesday, and I hope that I paint a JOYFUL picture of marriage to my still-single friends and readers. An accurate picture, but a beautiful one.

  2. I remember feeling the EXACT same way, Meredith. I always wondered why people didn’t talk about the good parts of being married. Cause it was something I was so looking forward to.

    I’m with Hannah. (And coincidentally, I was 29 when I met Chris and 31 when we got married.) Seriously, Meredith, it’s by FAR the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, it’s work, but what part of life isn’t? And it’s SO worth it. I would never, ever go back.

    There are a lot of things I love, but here’s my very favorite part of being married … I get to spend EVERY SINGLE DAY with my best friend. It’s awesome.

  3. I got married when I was 25 (well, I take that back..I was 21 the first time and went through a nasty divorce…but I don’t really count that as a marriage…more like a dictatorship…lol!)

    I think the “problem” is that society has a lot to do with the “work” of marriage. *We* are all so focused on the ME…what can *I* get, do, etc. rather than focusing on the serving part. (One of the reasons I don’t watch mainstream TV…I don’t think it depicts what God had intended families to be like…perhaps that’s another blog post…lol)

    I love when you said, “to be help-mates to husbands that encourage, protect and lead us”

    THAT’s what we should be focused on. But, at the same time, I think it’s hard to remember that because we have so much *ME* temptation around us.

    Thank you for posting this…it’s a good reminder for marriage AND motherhood (because even when I’m in the bathroom, my kids don’t get the hint…lol).

  4. I stumbled upon your blog through Hannah Beth’s WW post and felt compelled to comment.

    April 4th marks my one year wedding anniversary. The past year has, hands down, been THE most amazing, blessed, wonderful year of my life. Challenging? Absolutely. I think any time you throw 2 individuals into a home together for the first time, learning how to live together, learning one another’s quirks, and seeing the REAL person you married (and not just the person you were dating–they’re different, really!) it’s going to be a challenge.

    But that is where God comes in. If we strive to be like Him–to have mercy & grace, forgiveness & compassion, to serve & bless–marriage is the most holy thing we will ever experience in our earthly life.

    I LOVE being married. I LOVE being a wife. I LOVE serving my husband and being his help-meet. And while yes, I do remind my single friends that marriage can be tough from time to time, I definitely let them know what a true blessing marriage is because I am excited for them to experience marriage for the beautiful thing that it is.

    🙂

  5. Hi Meredith!
    Just came across your blog as I was glancing over your Facebook profile.

    I enjoyed reading this post and wanted to offer a little bit of insight as to why I personally tend to down-play my beautiful marriage and family life when talking to my single girlfriends.

    For one, I remember vividly what it is like to be a single gal watching girlfriends all around her entering into loving, God-honoring relationships. While there’s no questioning the pure joy that comes from seeing a good friend find her mate, I also know the anxious, longing feeling it can bring as one considers her own desires.

    Now that I am married, I am very careful in my interactions with single gals to be sensitive to what that young woman might be going through. I have met ladies who are very confident in who they are in Christ, who would be perfectly content never to be married and I have met those whose burning desire to find a husband is on their minds every moment of every day. Either way, I find it more conducive to the relationship to not go on and on about how wonderful my husband is, how truly blessed I feel to be mommy to a healthy, growing baby girl and how I can’t even imagine life without them in it.

    To take it a step further, I suppose I assume that many, if not most, young, single ladies already have a very positive, colorful image in their minds of how wonderful marriage can be and strongly desire to experience it for themselves. In an effort to balance that perceived scale a bit, it’s true, I tend to present the hard realities about my marriage more than I gush about the blessings it brings.

    When it comes right down to it, I truly believe that a man or woman can be complete in Christ with or without a mate, and while I am content and overjoyed with the path God has laid out for me I would never want another woman to get the impression from me that marriage is the ultimate end-all-be-all.

    It is my desire to honor the woman who is single, respect her choices to remain without a husband and encourage her in her unique opportunities to serve God within the freedom that comes from not having a spouse and family to devote herself to. I suppose it is in the midst of THIS desire that I err on the side of making marriage sound bad or in some way less desirable.

    In light of what you wrote, I can see now that my efforts and the efforts of other married women like me to ENCOURAGE single ladies in their singleness might actually be DISCOURAGING them from future marriage prospects! That is certainly not my goal and I will be careful in how I frame my picture of marriage in future conversations with this realization in mind.

    Blessings to you!
    Jamie

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