Pick-Up Lines That Fail


There once was an old man who owned a jewelry store in Whitefish, Montana.

One bright, sunny, summer day an unsuspecting young woman (*pointing to self* me… I’m talking about me) walked into his store, drawn to large stones that shined in the window.

As she pressed her nose against the glass cases to see the diamonds up close, he sauntered towards her.

“You from ’round here?” he asked dryly.

Startled, she looked up and politely shook her head, no.

“You attached?”

Again, she shook her head and began glancing over her shoulder to find the closest exit.

“Well,” he began, “stick with me kid and I’ll have you wearing diamonds bigger than horse-turds.”

And she blankly stared back at him, bile rising in the back of her throat, she excused herself from the store and decided that no diamond would ever be big enough to compensate for a general lack of tact.

Your turn! Let’s hear ’em. The worst pick-up lines.

Ready? Go!


About mndunn26

I recently realized that my life is somewhat of a beautiful mess. A "pollack-type-picture" if you will, of colors, experiences, and people that, despite the seeming disarray, is captivating & confusing; patterened & yet unpredictable. But most of all, it is mysteriously designed, purposed, and appointed. For what? I don't know yet... but I'm learning as I go.

2 responses »

  1. One time a clerk in a clothing store, who was escorting me to the fitting room, asked if anyone had ever told me I look like Justin Timberlake. He was probably 5’8″, 200 lbs and was wearing tight jeans. Choking down vomit, I politely replied “No, I haven’t heard that” and shut the door (with a huge sigh of relief).

    Pick Up Line: FAIL.

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