Tag Archives: Dreams

I Don’t Like Puppies Anymore.

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I really hope… no.

I genuinely pray…. hmm.

I am begging God to confirm to me that dreams are not really indicative of your subconscious. I truly feel like I need for someone with a Ph.D behind their name to tell me that what I dream about at night, has nothing to do with my sanity. I need to know that when I dream crazy, and I do frequently, it’s just indigestion talking.

Let me give you just one example in which I dreamt something that is not only completely impossible, but literally disturbing.  Oh! And, please keep in mind that at the time of this dream I was but 13 years old.

Dream–

I was pregnant.  Problem numero uno.

I went into labor. Pause. Anyone who knows me knows two things– I’m scared out of my mind to have children and I have a savings account set aside for a surrogate mother. Or 4 epidurals.

As I am being raced through the hospitals halls in a wheel chair practicing my breathing, I am spun into the delivery room and heaved onto the bed. You know the bed I’m talking about? The one with the stirrups  at the end? That one.

PUSH!

PUSH!

As the doctor wrapped my little bundle of joy in cloth, he handed him to me.  I look down and saw…

A Rottweiler puppy.

What is someone supposed to do with something like that? Seriously.

Thank God it wasn't a litter, right?

A Little Pep Talk

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Have you ever wondered if where you are now, circumstantially, is just a launch pad for where you are headed? Do you ever feel as though you are meant for something else? Perhaps something bigger or more risky than what you currently face?  Do you every find yourself daydreaming about this thing? About this destiny?

I know this all sounds like hippie-dippie-, granola-in-my-pocket crap.  Even new-agie.  If you know me at all, I’m none of those things.  I as because lately, I find myself wrestling internally with this feeling, need, or desire if you will, to do things that I know I can not do in my own strength or ability. I’m suddenly dreaming bigger, having these fantastically lofty goals, not about who I want to be as much as what I want to be a part of.  It’s not even something I want to do single handedly, rather its a movement of a community that I want to be pouring into, encouraging, enabling and being spent for.  

To be honest, I have no idea what “that” even looks like.  What I do know is that, while I sound off my rocker, I ain’t crazy.  This is something that we all feel.  This push for something more than ourselves is intrinsic– it’s part of our genetic make-up. We can’t help but want to be in the midst of greatness.  We need to work towards and for something.  We long for accomplishment not for personal gain, but for the presentation of that thing to the One who enabled us to do it.

  My fervency for this thing, as of late, has been squelched in a number of different ways.  And while it would be easy to give up on this or that because it appears improbably or impossible, I can not separate myself from it.  It wasn’t my idea in first place, so I can not deny it. I can not rid myself of something I did not create.  Just like sin, I can not separate myself from my fallen nature. But God can and did.

My prayer is that, in the same way He saved me from the things I did not want to do, He will deliver me into the things that I have learned to yearn for.  When He changes us, He changes all of us.  My desires and your desires, are not what they once were.  And so if these new-found desires and dreams are instilled in us by another, we can only hope and wait and pray that they will come to fruition not because of our ability but because of our availability. 

I feel like I am talking gibberish. 

I think this guy nails is…